He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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