there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I love having hate sex.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
