She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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