It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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