Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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