Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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