I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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