My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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