Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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