I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
