This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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