First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize