He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
