Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
