my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
