I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
