Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize