Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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