3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hotel room ftw
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
