I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
