i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
