woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
