I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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