She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I need a beard to bite.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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