oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
