I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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