wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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