Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
