This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
