just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
