There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
