Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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