sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
