Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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