Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
