If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
