Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
