so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
