I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize