My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
