I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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