I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
