1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
