i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
