Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
