did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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