Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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