they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
