dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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