What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
