Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
