glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize