A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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