I feel great
I just peed on a car
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
