I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
