M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
