Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
