the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
