He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
