So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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