I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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