Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Randomize
