That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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