You're completely useless in the revolution.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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