I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
